FUNNY LINES FROM FUNNY PEOPLE
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"I type 101 words a minute, but it’s in my own language."
- Mitch Hedberg
"I sometimes feel as if I have nothing to say and I want to communicate this."
- Damien Hirst
"Cottage cheese has no flavour; it’s like kissing your sister."
- Cathy Hopkins
"I was raised strict Irish Catholic. My mother wanted me to be a nun when I grew up. Which confused me, because she also was always saying how she wanted grandchildren. I told her, “Mom, you don’t want me to be a nun, you want me to be a priest.”
- Alex House
"I’m paranoid. On my stationary bike I have a rear-view mirror."
- Richard Lewis
"You might recognize me; I’m the fourth guy from the left on the evolutionary chart."
- Jay London
"I was out on a date recently and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters."
- Susie Loucks
"If man could create the perfect woman, he’d probably cheat on her."
- Jason Love
"Going to watch a film later, “Anal Lesbians”. It’s a film about a group of women going through the fridge labelling everything."
- Liam Mullone
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